The Thursday before last I wrote a blog post about where I am with business, about the questions and fears I faced, and the truth I fought hard to remember. But it wasn’t the full story. Nothing over the past 9 months has been the full story, because other things were happening in my life that affected my heart, but were too close for me to share.

Until now, that is. 

Just hours after I hit the “publish” button on that blog post, I stood facing a man that I have come to love more than I knew was humanly possible, and watched in absolutely shock as he knelt on one knee and told me, for the first time, that he loved me, that there was no one else in the world he would rather wake up next to in 40 years, and then he gave me a ring, and my head is still spinning, because I can’t believe this is real life.

How did it happen? I’m so glad that you asked. (WARNING: long post alert!)

An Introduction

His name is Joseph Buckley Bradshaw, but he goes by Buck. He was born and raised in South Carolina, and has just the tiniest hint of a southern accent. He’s the most steady, humble, honest man I’ve ever met. He loves dancing, coffee, travel, people, laughter, the show “Psych“, family, bowties, and most of all, the Gospel. He has dark hair that’s starting to gray, he wears glasses and a short beard, he loves plaid and the color green. He is perhaps the most intentional person I’ve ever met, and that’s saying a lot.

Our Story | Pre-dating

How we met: Buck moved to DC for grad school in 2007, and joined our church (Capitol Hill Baptist) a few months later. He was very involved and deeply invested in the church community. Then he moved to Haiti for work in the summer of 2010. I started attending CHBC in December, and finally moved up to Capitol Hill in June of 2011 (you can read all about that decision and why I moved in this blog post). I poured myself into church relationship and built my life into the community, and did so very quickly. It turns out that many of my friends were also his friends… but had no idea he existed, because he was out of the country. He left his job in Haiti and moved back to DC in October, 2011. Just a day or two later, a bunch of friends went out for FroYo after Bible study. I joined late, and noticed a new face at the opposite end of our group. I stopped to talk with a friend as we walked out the door, and felt rude not introducing myself to this guy waiting patiently nearby. So I introduced myself, and that was that. Buck doesn’t remember this, but swears it’s because “it was too dark to see your curls.” Awwwwwww.

A few weeks later I was at a movie night at some friends’ house (where, as it happens, Buck was staying, and later moved into that house permanently). Buck walked in halfway through the movie, and, “I saw this gorgeous curly head sitting over on the couch.” That’s his first memory of me.

Becoming friends: Because we had so many of the same friends, we often ended up at the same events. Just a month after we met, about 30 of us drove out to a nighttime corn maze. We were in the same carpool vehicle on the way there, we walked and talked through the entire maze, and I was absolutely struck by Buck’s depth, his love for Christ, and his perspective on so many of the things I thought were important, particularly his love for the Gospel. By the end of the night, I was very aware that I liked him, a lot.

Over the next months, we ran into each other a lot— at Church, at friends’ houses, at social functions, etc. And I went from curious to interested to “oooohhhh, I need to be careful, because I think I’m starting to really like him.” Besides his rugged good looks, his incredible sense of humor, and his deep, resounding laughter, he was a man of character, of integrity, of leadership, with a precious servants’ heart. He moved back from Haiti without a job, and it took him 9-10 months to find one. Instead of wasting that time playing video games or feeling sorry for himself, he tried to serve as often as possible— he drove elderly church members to doctors appointments, he started teaching children’s Sunday School, he got involved with our Church’s International Student Ministry, he started meeting with a Chinese student to help him practice his English, and more. I watched him struggle with discouragement when, once again, he didn’t get a job, but also saw the way he intentionally used his time and was firm in his trust in the Lord.

And all of this time my emotions were going crazy. With every interaction, my respect for him grew, and I felt my heart growing increasingly attracted to him. But Buck, being the man of character that he is, didn’t give me a single indication that he was remotely interested in me. He was polite and cordial and friendly, but not a anything more than that. I had nothing to latch onto that would cause me to say, “well, maybe he likes me!”

Learning trust & waiting well: Buck’s carefulness was really hard for me. I liked him— a lot— but I had no reason to believe that he liked me, and that was hard to deal with. But it wasn’t the first time I’d been in this spot. And if there’s anything that I’ve learned over the past 28 years of my life, it’s that love for Christ is infinitely more important than having things that I want, and often God uses my desires to teach me to love Him more. My attraction to Buck was a sweet practice for me to trust God with unknowns (as He says here), believing that He has good planned for His children (as He says here and here and here), uprooting idolatry (as He says here), and waiting on Him for whatever He chose to do (as He says here and here and here and here). Was it hard? Heck yeah. Did it hurt sometimes? Yes— by  March of 2011 it got so hard that I decided I couldn’t really be around him anymore and needed to distance myself, because I liked him too much, and I needed to care well for my heart. Did I get frustrated with God, and wonder why on earth did you even let me like this guy in the first place??!? Yes. Often. But the bottom line is this: I trust God with my life, and the full course of it. I believe that He is fully sovereign, good, wise, and kind, and deals tenderly with His children. He has planned out my days, and does all things for His glory and my good. So even when I don’t understand what’s going on, I trust that my God sees all things, and controls all things, and I can rest in that. I wrote about a lot of this in a Q & A post on singleness, here.

And then suddenly…: July of 2012 came around, and guess what? I still liked Buck. Toward the end of the month Buck and another friend of ours got jobs right around the same time, and my roommate and I  hosted a dinner for them to celebrate their employment. Yes, it was with some ulterior motives, but I’d prayed faithfully for months for both of these men to find jobs, and they both knew that, so it seemed like a good excuse. This was the first night that I thought, “… maybe??”

I saw him more over those next few weeks than I’d seen him over the previous months— mostly by accident, or so it seemed. My heart was going crazy every day, and I was doing everything in my power to not think of him as anything more than a sweet brother in Christ. And then one night after Bible study we stood in the hallway at Church talking with a group of friends. One by one, they all left the conversation, until it was just the two of us standing there, and he asked if I had plans Friday night. “Would you like to get dinner?” I was shocked, and it was all I could do to keep from coming out of my skin. I said yes, and then left as soon as possible. And didn’t sleep for the next few nights, and could barely eat. WHAT ON EARTH??!?!?

Our Story | First Date

He took me on a photo walk. How sweet, right? First along H Street NE, then at the Capitol, then we did dinner at Pacifico Cantina (where I couldn’t eat, I was so nervous!!), then finished up looking over our pictures at Buzz Bakery. (Crazy man was up in VT with a bunch of guy friends the week before, and shaved to have a mustache. And kept it for our first date. I had such a hard time taking him seriously!)

Our Story | Dating

Our first date was August 17, 2012. We “made it official” (aka, had the “defining relationships” talk) on September 1, 2012, at a close friends’ wedding. My sweet roommate Lindsey made us take our first pictures together. #awkward!!

From there, we just spent time getting to know one another. We set up regular date nights (I love Thursdays!!!), talked to one of our pastors about hanging out with him and his wife on a regular basis (for accountability and just to have someone involved in our lives), and did our best to get to know one another. Saturday brunches, where we looked through each others’ pictures from growing up, Tuesday nights working together in International Student Ministry, sitting together at Church, phone calls, texts, etc.

Dating wasn’t a hard, bumpy road, by any stretch of the imagination— but neither of us wanted to date long, both really wanted to be married, and both struggled for the first few months to know how to do this well. After so many years of keeping my heart on lockdown, I found it very difficult to open up and be vulnerable with Buck. For Buck, we both knew that I was much more emotionally “in” than he was at the beginning, and he dealt with a good bit of uncertainty. But compared to other couples we know, dating was, for the most part, sweet. (we both agree that we’re just excited to be married. we loved dating each other, but hated dating, in general)

At an International Student Ministry (ISM) outing in September

Introducing Buck to my hometown | maybe the best “us” picture I know of | Christmas party in DecemberThanksgiving with my familyAt a dear friends’ wedding reception (we really like weddings!)Random crazy picture, sometime around ChristmasIn Atlanta for New Years, for an annual get-together with his closest friends from college. I loved them ALL. Thankful for friends with cameras. Myrtle Beach in January to meet his parentsPretending we’re tourists in our own city.
The Lumineers! Mumford & Sons for Valentine’s Day!
At another friends’ wedding— Buck was emcee, I was photographer. 12 hours in NYC (I’ll blog more of that trip later)
Visiting friends in Richmond (again, grateful for friends with good cameras!)

The Proposal

A few weeks ago, we sat down with our calendars and planned out date nights through the end of June. Yes, we’re planners, and we’re totally okay with that. Thursday, May 2 was a scheduled photo walk. The plan was for us to eat dinner by ourselves beforehand, to meet up around 7:30, walk around and take pictures along H Street NE, and then visit a newly-renovated coffee shop at the end of the evening. Just casual, sweet time. The day before, however, Buck texted me and said, “Pick up time is 5pm tomorrow!” and I freaked out— oh my gosh, he’s going to propose.

Now, let me just stop right here and say that, just like when we were friends and I didn’t know that he liked me and I fought soooo hard to keep from reading into things, I did that same thing leading up to the proposal. For months now I knew that we both just… knew. I knew we were going to marry each other. We hadn’t talked about it. We never went ring shopping. We never talked timing (though I was sooooo tempted, and did bring it up once or twice). I just knew. It’s really hard to explain, and if I were to give you the reasons why/how I knew, they wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. But I just knew. However, I disciplined myself to not think ahead to wedding, to not think about the proposal, to not read into anything, because I didn’t want to be disappointed if something didn’t happen. And most of all, I just wanted to enjoy time with Buck whenever I was with him. So even though I knew it was coming soon, and everything surrounding the proposal pointed to it, I disciplined myself to not think it.

Even so, I made sure my nails were done and that I wore a cute outfit. Which is good, because he was dressed well, and wearing a bowtie. I promise you, we did not plan to coordinate so well that evening, but look at us!!

Quick version: He reenacted our first date. Photo walk on H Street NE, then photos at the Capitol (where he proposed), then dinner at Pacifico Cantina, then a quick stop at his house, then wrapping it up with coffee at Buzz Bakery. Amazing.

We started on H Street, like we originally planned. Just for a few minutes. Then he asked if I was ready for the second location? Second location?!? What on earth. No, he’s not proposing. Sure! Let’s go. We drove over to our Church, and when we parked, he said, “Actually I have a gift for you… mostly since it was our 8 month anniversary yesterday,” and he pulled out this beautiful box that looked like a book. Inside was a green journal that I had given him back in October, and that he told me he has been writing in. He calls it his “Book of Sarah,” and on it he wrote reasons that he likes me, or things that I do that he likes. “Because I want you to be absolutely certain that I do, indeed, like you,” he said. My heart melted. Awwwwwww. And then we got out and started toward the Capitol.

We walked around the Capitol for awhile. It was “magic hour,” that perfect time of day where the light goes golden and everything is peaceful and feels quiet. He made us pretend like we’re tourists and ask people to take our picture. What I didn’t know is that he was trying to distract me from seeing our friend Tim, who was following us with a camera.

We walked down toward the Visitor’s Center, where there were no people around. We talked about how much we love the gray granite and the green ivy all around there, that the color combination is just so sweet. And then he handed me his camera and asked if I would take a look at the pictures he’d taken and see what I think. “Sure, if you take a look at mine!” He said he would in a second, but needed to grab something from his backpack first.

Side story: The Monday before, Buck and Tim (who was following us) had gone to the Capitol to “stage” the proposal via pictures. Buck had switched out the memory cards when we were on H Street, so when I looked through the pictures on his camera, I was supposed to see this:

But instead, I scrolled BACKWARDS, and saw this:I gasped and nearly dropped the camera, and then this happened:
Most girls I talk to say that they don’t really remember what their fiancé said when he proposed. I remember everything that Buck said. There are lots of other things that I don’t remember, like how two cameras and a camera bag left my hands and arms and ended up safely on the ground, or what I said and how he went from being on his knee to holding me tight, but I remember all of the words.

Sarah, there was a time back in January that we were walking along H Street at night, and talking about our relationship and direction, and about how there was uncertainty, especially on my part. About two weeks later, all of that was gone, and I knew. I knew— that I want you. That there is no other person in the world that I would rather wake up next to in forty years. And then he said “Sarah—” and I said yes. I don’t even remember him asking me to marry him. And then he picked me up, and told me, for the first time, that he loved me. No, I didn’t cry. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that it was happening— really happening, right then— that I went completely numb with shock. It was all so much all at once. To go from fighting against reading into things, and guessing timeframes, to seeing him on one knee, and he’s giving me a ring, and telling me that he wants me for the rest of our lives, and that he loves me, and it was all so much all at once that I couldn’t take it in. I’m soooooooo so glad that we have it documented, though. I cried for the first time Saturday morning, when I first looked at these pictures.

We took a few pictures around the Capitol, and then we stopped by his house where he arranged a group of our closest DC friends to surprise me with a party. I pretty much didn’t talk, I was so overwhelmed. And then we went to Buzz Bakery, and stared at each other until they kicked us out. Whenever I interview with a couple about photographing their wedding, I like to ask them when/how they knew that this was the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Their answers vary— for some it’s like a flash of lightening; for others more like a slow dawn and one day they just realize that they know; for others it’s a decision that combines logic and emotion; and some have a combination of those experiences. I have no idea what mine was like. You would think that I would know, since I ask that question so often. But I don’t. It was slow, and dawning, and yes, there were moments when I felt more convinced than others, but I honestly think it had more to do with learning to trust God and trust Buck for what the future would hold, and less to do with being convinced of my own knowledge in the fact. I knew months before he asked me out that he was the kind of man I wanted to marry— his character, his strengths, his love for Christ, his leadership, and his servant’s heart were all things that I saw in Buck, and knew I needed in a husband. Somewhere, at some point, it changed from “someone like Buck” to “Buck,” and I don’t know when that change took place. But it did, and there is literally no other man in the world I could dream of loving and trusting and spending the rest of my life with, besides Buck Bradshaw.

I took these pictures on our first date. At the bottom of the stairs on the left is where he proposed. Amazing.I’m still overwhelmed. It’s all so surreal. Every time I look at my ring I think, “Is that real? Is it really mine? This can’t be reality.” Every time I look at Buck I think, “He wants to marry me? How is this real life??!?” He worked with a jeweler to design this himself, by the way. I tried on rings with a girlfriend a few months back (when Buck was out of the country), and came away even less certain of my taste than  before. So many options!! This ring? perfect in every way. It’s a thin band, nothing too gaudy or flashy. Cushion cut diamond (my faaaavorite!!) in a halo setting, but again, nothing too big. The band is plain on top, but has filagree work all along the sides of it, that you can only see when you turn it. It’s perfect. But honestly… I would be thrilled with anything from Buck. But it is real life. We are getting married! And we’re already over-our-heads with planning for our wedding and our future together. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you all of the things we’ve done in the last thirteen days!!

Our greatest desire is that the Gospel is proclaimed well at our wedding, and that the way that we go about planning our wedding (and being engaged) accurately reflects the glory of God. This desire has realigned a lot of things for me— we’re not emphasizing things (with time or budget) that many people would, or that I might naturally want to. And I think that’s a good thing. We’re doing our best to keep a balanced perspective— our marriage is more important than our wedding, and our wedding itself is more important than all of the little details that go into it.

We are overwhelmed with joy & excitement, and humbled by the amount of happiness shown by our friends and family.

And for those of you who want to know details… more will come later. As of now we’re planning on an August wedding (of this year! yes, you read that correctly! less than three months away!!!), and plan to be married at the place that has meant so much for us, our relationship, and our individual walks with Christ— Capitol Hill Baptist Church.
Jeremiah 31:12 is an excellent summary of our thoughts and emotions.

I’m still focused on website redesign. Work in general feels like I’m trying to make a cross-country trip on a child’s tricycle. I feel I’m working hard, and barely getting anywhere. But the one thing I have to keep reminding myself, and my constant prayer, is that I would do good, honor God, and commend the Gospel, not just in the work that I do, but in the way that I work. I keep this verse by my bed:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. — Col. 3:23-24

Pray for this for me, if you happen to think of it!

I am, primarily, a wedding photographer. I love the high-intensity, high-emotion, crazy wonderful crazy of a wedding day. The schedule, the flurry of preparations, the number of family and friends gathered about, the significant, life-changing events that happen in such a short bit of time, and all the joy and celebration that follows. There’s something intoxicating about attending weddings, and photographing them gives me the “insider’s view” on everything that goes on, both in front and behind the scenes.

I love weddings because I love marriage. I love that deep, lasting commitment and covenant promise that displays a picture of the Gospel— Christ Jesus’ sacrificial, never-ending love for His Bride, the Church. I love weddings because I love love. It’s a miraculous thing, and a gift of grace from a kind, merciful God. And I love weddings because… well, let’s be honest. I like pretty things, and weddings are beautiful.

Because of my love for weddings, and as an attempt to try and simplify my life, I’ve spent the last year or two focusing almost exclusively on wedding and engagement photography. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think it’s what I do best, and I lovelovelove it (as you’ve read above). But as I’ve thought over life, my photographic style, and the reason “why” behind what I do, I realized that I shoot the way that I do because I believe that life— real life— is beautiful, and worth documenting and remembering forever. And guess what? Weddings and engagements are one very beautiful part of life, but they’re only one part. If I really believe what I say, that real life is beautiful and worth documenting, then I should think that way about all of life.

So I’m changing things up a bit.

In short, this means that I’m going to beging offering portrait sessions again— families, couples, maternity, newborn, children, seniors, etc. It’s a simple step, and it may not seem that significant to some people, but the reason why feels significant to me, and it’s important to me to explain the why behind the decision, not just the decision itself.

So let me know if you’re interested in a portrait session! I’d love to talk with you about options! And thanks so much for listening.

xoxo,
Sarah

May your weekend be sweet and refreshing and full of grace, all coming from the Grace-Giver.

It’s been an incredibly busy few months, and I’m still trying to catch my breath, so I haven’t had the time to work through my 2013 goals yet. Thankfully there’s no official deadline for them (I didn’t finalize my 2012 goals until the end of February!). For the past ten years or so, I’ve used a list of questions by Donald S. Whitney, written to urge Christians to reflect on their walk with God, to “stop, look up, and get our bearings.” These questions have had a great impact o my life over the years, and are the reason that I playfully “boycott” New Years’ Resolutions and, instead, prayerfully evaluate wise goals to set for myself. I hope it serves to encourage you all, as well.

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

1. What’s the most important decision you need to make this year?
2. What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what’s one way you could simplify in that area?
3. What’s the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?
4. What habit would you most like to establish this year?
5. Who do you most want to encourage this year?
6. What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it?
7. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?
8. What’s one new way you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?
9. What’s one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?
10. What book, in addition to the Bible, do you most want to read this year?
11. What one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?
12. What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?
13. In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?
14. What’s the most important trip you want to take this year?
15. What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?
16. To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount this year?
17. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your commute this year?
18. What one biblical doctrine do you most want to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?
19. If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?
20. What’s the most important new item you want to buy this year?
21. In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you do about it this year?

It’s been a week and a half since my last blog post. It’s such a weird season— half scrambling, trying to get things done before Christmas (IN THREE DAYS!!!!), and half in veg-mode since shooting my last wedding of the year the weekend before last. I go into subconscious crash-mode after the end of my shooting season every year. It’s like I have enough mental energy to extend through my shooting season, and my brain and body forget that, “Oh yeah, I still have five weddings to edit and two albums to design before 2012 is officially wrapped up.” Like I said, such a weird season. Work is done, I’m in “off season,” but there’s still a ton of work, and off season isn’t any different than “on season.” Not yet anyway. My 2012 season went later than usual, and my 2013 season starts earlier than usual, which makes my 8 week “break” super short for the amount of work that is supposed to go into it.

Nonetheless, it’s a break, and I’m grateful for it. Grateful for the chance to “catch up,” grateful for the time to reevaluate life and business, to think back over 2012 and see what I should change in 2013. It’s all so exciting, and I can’t wait to get down to it. But not today. Today I’m finishing up one more wedding, and making chocolate truffles, and attempting to sync schedules to do dinner with a girlfriend. And beginning to celebrate Christmas.

One of my favorite things about Christmastime is the number of hymns that we sing, reserved only for this time of year. Hymns that speak words of truth, that remind me of the fullness of the Gospel, that talk about why Christmas is such a big deal. It’s not only about Christ’s birthday. It’s not only about God’s Son being born. It’s all about why He was born—

“Come, Thou long expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation, Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver, born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever, now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit, raise us to Thy glorious throne.”

(Charles Wesley, 1745)

And then there are songs that talk about our response. This, in the well-known song “Angels from the Realms of Glory.” I like how it addresses so many different groups of people—

Sages, leave your contemplations, brighter visions beam afar,
Seek the great Desire of Nations; ye have seen his natal star.

Saints, before the altar bending, watching long in hope and fear,
Suddenly the Lord descending, in His temple shall appear.

Sinners, wrung with true repentance, doom’d for guilt to endless pains,
Justice now revokes the sentence, mercy calls you — break your chains. 

Though an infant now we view Him, He shall fill His Father’s throne,
Gather all nations to Him; every knee shall then bow down:

Chorus: Come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ the newborn King.

(James Montgomery, 1816)

This verse is one of my favorites, from “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”—

“O ye beneath life’s crushing load, whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow;
Look now, for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing!
Oh rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.”

(Edmund Hamilton Sears, 1849)

Praying that you, dear readers, will have such peace and rest this Christmas season— a chance to “rest beside the weary road,” and savor the Great Consolation and Joy, Jesus Christ.

First, Ben & Amie at Thanksgiving… and Amie this morning.

My parents are grandparents now. How weird is that?? And my brothers are uncles. 

I’m obviously excited. Haha.

A definitely-not-in-order, all-over-the-place, visual description of the past few months. Enjoy.

attending a wedding as a guest | “don’t crowd the mushrooms!!” | falling in love with TeuxDeux | baking for the brothers means tripling recipes
yes. that is a staple in my shoe. they were my favorites, and they were falling apart! | gourds | Hannah came to visit!! | MUMFORD!!!!

gold nail polish | shorts, boots, and plaid | a new ring and a new purse! | taxes. bleh.
a special project I worked on. | FALL!!! | I voted | journaling is my favorite morning activity

my brother got ahold of a label maker | ending one journal, beginning another! | … I think I like a certain color of nail polish?? | Paleo rocks
shopping with Sara! | we found Warby Parker!!! | Georgetown sunset | apples

Watching my amazing brother play basketball | room cleaning. need help. | friends!! | a perfect americano

doing the whole “maxi skirt” thing | Hyperion! | cooking for the boyfriend | a gorgeous house that I photographed
Becka and her watch | white jeans. love them. | to do lists | Nirvana in Cape Cod!

an appropriate sign | Carrie’s baby shower! | gorgeous outdoor wedding site
favorite shoes, favorite coat | friends!! | more filing. bleh.

sister’s dog. | selfie! | I won this table!!! #goAmpersands!! | photographers-in-training
Zoolights with friends | white jeans with boots? | off to Cape Cod! | shorts and plaid

my “I’m so happy I just did Bikram” face | more from Carrie’s shower | I had this clock in 1st grace. no, that is not mine.
found my baby shoes! | “shooting two weddings in a weekend!!” face | Psalm 16. ’nuff said

Avett brothers = golden | empty Starbucks | apple crates!
rosemary and mushrooms | enormous grasshopper | Hyperion again!

pictures with the sister | friends | Cape Cod
feet on sand = happy | beach hair! | daytrip

more journaling | afternoon tea | really, really good wrap | parents’ kitten
awesome wooden block | Cape Cod house | excellent breakfast | goodbye highlights!

selfie! | rearranged room | hello, boyfriend | our Christmas tree!!
my 7-ft-tall brother | … and his huge hands | I love our tree | another selfie!

winter | Capitol Hill houses are the best | room with a view | “Ho Ho Ho!”
comb out the hair | worklunch | cold recovery | backroad in PA

of course the tree goes on top of the car! | view from Cape Cod house |
plaid looks good on him | work date with Stacy! | Christmas wreaths!

and last but not least…

I FINALLY BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA!!!!! Stoked to put this baby to use!

I just finished a double-header wedding weekend, and I am Tired. And that capital T was intentional, because I’m that tired. I’m taking today off to spend with some friends and rest, and try to muster enough strength for turkey-eating. I have a three week break (Thanksgiving, and time with family & friends!), and I’m very grateful for that break.

My dear friend Becka dropped by for coffee & breakfast on Saturday morning. It was unplanned, and a little unexpected, and such a good precursor to our respective crazy wedding-shooting days. We talked about work and life, and trying to balance everything, and the insanity that is October/November in a wedding photographer’s life, and she just looked at me and shook her head with a sigh— “I feel like this is the time of year when every wedding photographer just needs and extra hug.”

Oh, she is so right.

Blog world, this girl is struggling. Between editing Spring/Summer wedding albums, Fall wedding edits, current shooting, meeting with next year’s clients, planning for 2013′s business direction, and troubleshooting current issues (not to mention maintaining relationships, prepping for holidays, and sleeping)… I’m just tired. I’ve had a pinched nerve in my right shoulder and neck for two weeks now (and I dropped a heavy box on my head last night, which probably didn’t help anything. and it also probably explains why I woke up with a massive headache this morning).

In short, I’m a bit of a mess. This shouldn’t surprise me. This happens every Fall. It’s just that time of year when I desperately feel my need for grace.

I re-read Chapter 7 in J. I. Packer’s Knowing God this morning, and… I did not expect the tears to come so quickly:

“[God] owes mercy to none… it is entirely of His grace, not at all through their own effort, that they themselves have found life… Still He hates the sins of His people, and uses all kinds of inward and outward pains & griefs to wean their hearts from compromises and disobedience. Still He seeks the fellowship of His people, and sends them both sorrows and joys in order to detach their love from other things and attach it to Himself. Still He teaches believers to value His promised gifts by making them wait for those gifts, and compelling them to pray persistently for them, before He bestows them… His aims and principles of action remain consistent; He does not at any time act out of character. Our ways, we know, are pathetically inconsistent— but not God’s.” 

These words are unspeakably comforting to me, as I fumble my way through trying to figure out this season of life, and attempting to juggle everything on my plate right now.

• “I, the Lord, do not change, therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.” — Mal. 3:6
• “But You are the same, and Your years will never end. Your servants children will dwell securely, and their offspring will be established before You.” —Ps. 102:27-28
• “Therefore He [Jesus Christ] is able to save to the uttermost [completely; at all times] those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to intercede for them.” — Heb. 7:25

Truth—

I can trust God to guide me in this current season of life. He is my Guide, and has led me well in the past, and will do so again. Ps. 16:5-9— “You hold my future… I will praise the Lord who counsels me… because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my spirit rejoices; my body also rests secure.”

Truth—

I can trust God for my future, as relates to my business. It is from His hand that I receive blessing, and He is more concerned about my future than I am. Matt. 6:25-34— “This I tell you: don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? … So don’t worry… your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”

Cape Cod, you have captivated me, heart and soul. I might just move there someday. Maybe.

There will be more pictures later. I promise.

I came home from Alt Design Summit so enthused, full of ideas— how to blog better, blog more consistently, and blog with more internality— to make myself more accessible to my audience. I even created a blogging schedule, to try to keep myself on track. See? Blog dates, themes, time carved out to write each week, etc.

As you can see, I’m not doing so well right now. Good grief… how on earth does time move so quickly??!?

Maybe it’s a bad thing, that I’m not blogging as consistently, not sharing pictures as regularly. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just another sign of this slowing down that I’m trying so desperately to implement into my life. Actually, my life is slowing down, whether I’m trying to implement it or not, and for that I am exceedingly glad. Never fear— “slowing down” doesn’t mean “shooting less” or “working less.” It means working smarter, establishing set routines and clearly-defined boundaries, and savoring the present instead of rushing forward into the future. I have several key people in my life helping with these things right now, and I’m so grateful.

It’s a very harrowing thing to stare oneself straight in the eye and see flaws, insecurities, and weaknesses. It’s also a very grace-giving thing, because it forces reliance on Jesus Christ. Just another reason to be grateful.

ALL THAT TO SAY… hoping to resume regular (or at least semi-regular) blogging next week! Hope you have a lovely weekend, friends.

Xoxo,
Sarah

When Mark asked for stories, though, I didn’t have to think twice about what I wanted to share. It’s less of a story and more of a description, though. Less about an even, more about a person.

My roommate, Lindsey, is perhaps the sweetest evidence of God’s grace and kindness toward me in the past year. We celebrated one year of living in our house the weekend before last— we went to dinner, brought our calendars, looked back over our year of living together, and thanked God for all the ways He has proven His faithfulness to us in the time we’ve lived together.

Lindsey fell into my life last August, almost by accident. In the course of ten days I went from near-despair in my house-hunting efforts (and not even ready to begin thinking about roommates), to a certain place to live, excellent landlords, a signed lease, and the best roommate I could ever wish for. We didn’t know one another well at all before we moved into our sweet home, but Lindsey has been a constant source of grace and kindness in my life since. A few particulars:

I mentioned last week that I was out of town, doing a bit of traveling. I had a sweet Tuesday wedding in Massachusetts (seriously… I promise you’ll see a preview soon!!), spent Wednesday in Connecticut (at this darling coffee shop), and then Thursday and Friday in NYC for the Alt Design Summit, a bloggers conference. It wasn’t quite as mind-blowing as I expected in the ways that I expected (I guess I’m already fairly good at blogging??), but definitely challenged the way I think about connecting with people, targeting a specific audience (YOU!!), and gave me some good connections and sweet friendships.

And guys— IT WAS AT MARTHA STEWART’S HEADQUARTERS. I mean, seriously??!?!? You can’t go wrong with that.

Here’s a brief glimpse at my Thursday with Alt.

Hellllllooooooo, gorgeous workspaces!!!! I swooned just walking by these cubicles (can you even call them that??). I think my creativity would positively explode if I could work in a place like this, surrounded by other creative people, too!

Martha’s test kitchen!!

Step one of our day: crafting. I’m not a terribly big fan of crafting for crafting’s sake (though I did come away with a fun bracelet), so I took pictures of other peoples’ creativity instead. Jennifer, my web designer / graphic artist / type nerd friend came with me. SO MUCH FUN to spend time with her, and to bounce ideas off of her afterward. Besides, she’s just gorgeous, and so fun to photograph. (seriously, Jen. you make me jealous. stop it)I felt completely overwhelmed the entire day— being around so many beautiful, creative people all at once. I wanted to photography them ALL. Hands-down the best session of the day— Pilar Guzmán, Editor-in-Chief at Martha Stewart Living, Lucinda Scala Quinn of MADhungry, and Kevin Sharkey, Senior Vice President of Martha Stewart Living and author of Martha’s Home Design blog. SO AMAZING to listen to them. Jen again.… and then she made me get in front of the camera. (thanks, Jen!)
Shock of all shocks… MARTHA STEWART HERSELF!!!!! She wasn’t slated to come in, but she wanted to, and she is Martha Stewart afterall. SOOOOOO happy to hear from her!!
I was just slightly obsessed with this lovely old building. Martha’s Prop Shop! :: swoon ::Again, can you just imagine the amount of creativity that comes from working in such a place??!After the main events of the day were finished, we all convened on the rooftop for a casual cocktail party / networking time. The theme was “color pops,” and it was really fun to see so many people rocking neon. DIY business cards by Design Improvised. I felt a little (read: VERY) out of place… not only because I’m not the typical “blogger,” but also because I don’t really follow many blogs, so didn’t know who anyone was. There were lots of rather well-known, full-time bloggers there, and I was clueless. One person I did know of, though, is Darcy Miller, Editor-in-Chief of Martha Stewart Weddings. When I found out she was there, I couldn’t speak for a few minutes. (true story). “Oooooohhhh, I want to meet her,” I thought. Impossibly, my thoughts said back to me. 

But look here? I GOT TO MEET DARCY MILLER. And not only that, she tweeted a picture of me. That might just be the biggest celebrity moment of my life. I’m half tempted to feel ashamed for being so excited about it, but not really. It was definitely the highlight of my entire week. (photo credit: Alt staff photographer. thanks, whoever you are.)

More talking, more networking, more enjoying the gorgeous light and view.I fiiiiiiiiinally got to meet Rebecca Beach of A Daily Something. Goodness. I want to put this darling girl in my pocket and keep her with me all the time. She is perfectly delightful, sweet, thoughtful, and imaginative. So excited for her, and all the sweet things in her life. The next morning Jennifer and I slept in a bit (a bit too long), and made our way to our respective buses to head back to DC. We stopped briefly for coffee (brief really does mean “brief”), which was perhaps a mistake, because we both ended up running the 20 blocks to our respective bus stops, lugging bags and suitcases (and coffee), in rush hour, terrified that we’d miss our departures. Turns out they were both late. Of course. Oh, well. Good exercise, right? Goodbye, NYC. I liked you the last time I visited. I loved you this time. Can’t wait for next time. 

The last days of summer are here. It has been a good  year, and fall is my favorite, so of course I’m looking forward to crisp afternoons and apple cider and warm sweaters. But I’m sad to think of summer drawing to a close. Time moves too quickly, and season seem to pass by before I have the chance to give them fair greeting. My sentimental heart wants to hold on, to say, “no, wait! not yet! please, linger awhile longer!” But time keeps passing. And all I can do is pray to be faithful and fruitful in the time I have, today, because this, too, will be gone far too soon.

It’s funny. The way we look forward to “the next thing,” and then bemoan the swift changes that come when “next” becomes “now.” Today I’m praying this: to savor the present (Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom, Ps. 90:12). And for faithfulness and fruitfulness today (Col. 1:11-12). And for joyful confidence in God, for all that new seasons bring (Pr. 31:25).

Note:

1. I have not blogged much of late.
2. This is not because I have no material to blog. I have a stockpile that is increasingly overwhelming to think about.
3. This should not be an indication of lack of work, either. I have been rather busy shooting and editing and meeting with clients, etc. Hence the silence here.
4. I’m out of the office all this week for a wedding Massachusetts and a bloggers conference in NYC.
5. Yes, I fully grasp the irony of that last point. I’m announcing my presence at a bloggers conference in NYC not one breath after admitting that I’ve become terrible at blogging.
6. I’m excited to learn everything I can from this conference and jump back into blogging full-force!
7. I’m also in the middle of a website redesign (which, to be honest, is ludicrous in the middle of wedding season, but you all know how much of an overachiever I am!!), and I’m SO EXCITED to reveal it!! We don’t have a launch date yet, but you can be sure I’ll keep you posted!

Thank you all for patience with me during the past few weeks of silence. I hope to return to “your regularly schedule program” sometime soon!

I’ve always wanted glasses, so it’s not too terrible to wear them. I have to admit, though, besides noticing an extra wrinkle or two at the corner of my eyes (“smile lines.” no big deal.), this is the first sign of aging that I’ve noticed. Not quite sure how I feel about that. But can’t change it, so I should embrace it, right? 

left: that’s me, next to my parents’ red VW bus. right: that’s my brother’s dog (“our first granddog!!” as my parents say) next to their new VW.

Photography Mini-Sessions

30-minute shoot at one location, with 10ish edited hi-res images and a print release — $175

Photography Mentor Sessions

This is for anyone who wants to spend some time with a professional, talking through the ins and outs of business, shooting, client relations, branding, etc. An hour and a half of uninterrupted, solely-focused-on-you-and-your-questions time to ask anything you want, and get some of those tricky questions answered. Be sure to come with a list of questions or topics that you want covered, and  images that you would like critiqued. Each session is focused and tailored for individual needs. Cost: $300

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Friday, July 13: late evening
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