When I first got there, Jeannie was working on Quinoa bites. These were delicious.

Then she started work on the Nutella Rolls.Little Miss M loved to help. And by help, I mostly mean taste. I played with the kitchen light while the dough was left to rise. Okay, who’s craving nutella now??!?

Last week I got a Facebook message from an old friend who is recently engaged and planning her wedding. She emailed several of us single women because, as the thoughtful, intentional woman that she is, she wants to care well for the younger, single women who will be attending her bridal shower— to give them encouragement, and advice on being single. And she wanted to add to what she had to say by hearing from other older single women, as well.

I was blessed beyond words to be included in that message. Singleness hasn’t always been a sweet, easy road for me (as witnessed here and here and here and here and here and here and here… and here). But I have found God’s grace always sufficient, and His plan for me so incredibly sweet, that at the end of the day, I can’t argue with His direction, or even begrudge the way He has led. He has always led me well, and is always kind in His dealings with His children. I am grateful, and so, so blessed.

Here are a few thoughts I had in response to her message:

• The most helpful thing phrase ever spoken to me was something my pastor said a year and a half ago at a single womens’ talk at my church— “The basic posture of the Christian life is waiting. Either we’re waiting on a spouse, or waiting for children, or waiting for a job promotion, or a bigger house, or our children’s salvation, or retirement… and ultimately every Christian is simply waiting for Heaven, for Christ’s return.” That gave so much perspective to me, to help me realize that contentment is a heart attitude that translates across the entire spectrum of my life, not simply something to be practiced in my single years. Waiting, and learning to love Christ in the midst of waiting, is something I’ll always do, and it’s good to learn it now.
• Our culture says that having unfulfilled longings and desires is a bad thing, that it’s harmful for us to live that way. But that’s not what the Bible teaches. Instead, it teaches us that to long for something, and to not have it, somehow it actually teaches us how to long for Christ more, and how to fix our hearts on Heaven. That’s helpful for me to remember. Culture tells us that the desire for sex is like hunger pains— you’re hungry, you eat; you have sexual desires, you fill them. But that’s not what God teaches. He teaches us that learning self-control, training our minds and our hearts and our bodies to submit to Christ, that is a good thing, and that it actually serves to cultivate affection for Christ.
• Psalm 84:11— when God says that He will not withhold any good thing, He means that, and He means it for now. When there is something that I want that I don’t have (like marriage), it’s tempting to think that either: a) It is a good thing that God is withholding, and so we doubt God’s goodness; or b) that it is a good thing withheld now that we’re promised in the future, so we begin to hope in and hold onto the “someday” of marriage instead of hoping in God. The TRUTH is that when God says He does not withhold any good thing, it applies to today, to right now. “Everything is needful that He sends; nothing can be needful that He withholds,” said John Newton. It’s just another take on Ps. 84:11, but it essentially reminds me that if it was good for me for now, then I would have it. If I don’t have it, it’s not good for me for right now.
• To those who are single and want to be married, read more good books on good theology, and fewer books on singleness, dating, and relationships. If we think rightly of God, it will influence the way that we think about everything else. I think it would well serve most single women, in particular, to think much less about marriage, and much more about God. My top three recommendations: Knowing God, by J. I. Packer; Practical Theology for Women, by Wendy Alsup; and All Loves’ Excelling, by John Bunyan.
• As another friend said, ask God to show you the glory in singleness. I’m dating right now (a mature, godly Christian man who is blowing my mind and humbling me every single day… I don’t have words to describe how sweet this is), and frankly, I’ve been shocked by how much I actually miss being single. PLEASE don’t get me wrong— I’m totally crazy about my boyfriend, and totally crazy about dating him, and we’re dating with purpose, and I certainly don’t wish to be single again. But there’s something indescribably sweet about that “just me and the Lord” phase of life that, even when dating someone as wonderful as he is, just isn’t there anymore. To any other single women reading this: please, please, please cherish the time you have with the Lord now. Don’t spend your single years begging Him to end them— they are a gift. Five or six years ago I rolled my eyes when my dating & married friends said that. Then I learned how sweet and tender the Lord is, and contentment was less of a fight. The last few years of my life have, by God’s grace, been characterized by joy and contentment and sweet trust in God and in His timing, and I have no regrets about time used or emotions wrestled with. And now? Now I’m learning contentment in a different way, and learning how to love Christ in a different context (which, frankly, is harder than I expected it to be).

How about you? If you’re single, what questions or challenges have you faced in this phase of life? If you’re no longer single, what advice would you have to other single men and women out there?

Bass River Shoe Repair. A sweet little shop in South Yarmouth, MA. “A good pair of shoes deserves a second chance,” says their website. I agree. Charming little spot— you must visit if you’re ever in the area!

This was, perhaps, the most random thing I have EVER SEEN. We were sitting on the edge of a dock, happily eating our lunch, and we looked over to see this lady set up a camera and do an entire acrobatic performance… on an anchor. WHAT??!?!!? So strange. So bizarre.

I adore this picture of us.

… and this is the part of the day where everyone decided to practice “Awkward Family Photos“-styled poses. I laughed until I cried. 

Stacy’s dad has won several trophies for racing yachts, and they’re on display at a Clarke Cooke House, where we had dinner. 

Clam Chowder at Capt. Parkers!!

We stopped by Bass River Shoe Repair to visit some friends’ parents (that sweet cobbler’s shop has it’s own blog post coming up!!)

I swear that Cape Cod is the South of New England. I adore it.

One quick picture of Lindsey with Stacy’s parents before we left for the airport.
But not before getting pumpkin donuts. Hellllllooooooo, Fall!!

The AH-MAZING house where we stayed. Sweet friend Stacy grew up here, and her parents were kind enough to let four women stay with them for the weekend.

Favorite roommate picture ever. Love this woman.

Sweet Stacy, our gracious host (and a dear friend!).

I looooooove the crazy things Cape Cod did to may hair. (BIG). 

This, friends, is how we spent every.single.car.ride. 

Gourmet food… best steak I’ve ever had in my life. Stacy’s parents know how to do it right.

Again, more pictures to come…

My dear friend Carrie is expecting a litte boy in just a few weeks. We’re all sooooooo excited for this child (for whom we have prayed for years, now), and frankly, were equally excited about an East Coast shower for her, since she now lives in California. The amazing Jennifer Olmstead of Deleted Space Creative (and the artistic genius behind my blog & web design) & Rebekah Murray (dear friend & fellow photographer) were the brains and brawn behind this incredible party. The ladies of Sweet Root Village did the florals for it (and contributed such love and beauty to an already-love-filled day). You can see their blog post here. The shower was held at Zion Springs Bed & Breakfast, the most darling little corner of comfort off of a gravel road out past Leesburg. Enjoy.

I spent most of last week in New England— a Tuesday wedding in Massachusetts, Wednesday wandering around little towns in Connecticut, and Thursday and Friday in New York City for the Altitude Design Summit. You’ll hear more about all of those later… but today, just take a moment and enjoy this sweet little coffee shop with me.

My favorite part of solo road trips is exploring whatever random coffee shops strike my fancy. I stayed near New Haven, CT after my Tuesday wedding, slept in as late as possible, and then googled coffee shops between New Haven and New York City. I didn’t care where I spent my afternoon, as long as it put me closer to NYC, had Internet, and served really good coffee. I chose a place and started driving, and certainly wasn’t disappointed!

Espresso Neat is an idealistic coffee shop tucked away in a corner in Darian, CT. They call themselves an “Artisan Coffee Bar,” which made my litte heart happy. The big windows, comfortable benches, and abundance of outlets made me even happier. And then I tasted the coffee, and decided to stay their all day long. Amazing, folks. Amazing. (and now I’m just looking for an excuse to get back!)

Last week Washingtonian Bridal Party Blog published a story about using Pinterest as a wedding planning tool. It’s a fascinating article, and includes some good ideas and tidbits, both from real brides and from DC-area wedding professionals (including Ampersand Photography bride Vanessa Collins, and myself, as a matter of fact). You can read the article here.

In light of that article (and a few recent conversations about wedding planning, Pinterest, and blogging), I thought it might be helpful to write my own blog post on the subject.

Defining Pinterest // what is it?

Pinterest is an online, virtual inspiration board community. It allows you to save ideas when you see them (called “pins”), organize them into categories (called “boards”), collect ideas from friends (called “repinning”), and search for new ideas and inspirations (called… “searching”).  I consider it a community because it’s built on “followings”— I follow Jen and Becka, so I see all the cool things they pin on their boards. If I want to save their idea, I “repin” it, and file it away for later. Jen & Becka follow me, as well, and when they repin things that I find, all of their followers can see it, and if they like what they see from me, they can follow me, as well. Excellent sharing, excellent networking. (Pinterest has a great “Getting Started” section here, if you want to know more).

As useful as it is, Pinterest can also be rather time-consuming. Actually, let’s be honest. It’s like a black-hole-vortex that can easily suck you into a delirious, pin-crazy state of inspired laziness.

Using Pinterest // what is it for?

It’s for curating (saving, storing, searching for, and finding) good ideas.

I use it to collect house decor ideas, curly-hair inspiration, photography poses for when I need to boost my creativity, branding & packaging ideas for work, crafts & projects that I want to try someday (almost all of last year’s Christmas gifts came from this board), and workout routines to try. Basically, if I see a good idea somewhere, I save it to Pinterest. If I’m bored and need a creative boost, I browse Pinterest. If I need an idea or want to search for how to do something, I search in Pinterest. It’s like the “good ideas” file drawer of the Internet.

One practical application: cooking. I think I am exponentially more creative in the kitchen post-Pinterest than pre-Pinterest. You may think this is an exaggeration, but let me assure you, it is not. I’m a self-proclaimed foodie, and always have been, but when it comes to crafting delicious, healthful, creative meals, I just don’t have the artistic palate that some, like my father, possess. Enter: Pinterest, and I’m suddenly inundated with more awesome meal ideas than I could ever wish for. Cue, “A Whole New World,” and let the taste buds go wild. Fried eggs cooked in bell pepper slices, here. Apple pie baked in an apple, here. Broiled grapefruit, here (you must try this one!!). Cheesecake-stuffed strawberries, here. And I have an entire board dedicated to Paleo-friendly dishes (since my diet is rather restrictive these days). I mean, ohmygoodness. Soooooo many good ideas out there!

Weddings and Pinterest // is it helpful?

Yes!! Pinterest is incredibly helpful for couples planning a wedding! Since Pinterest is where all the good ideas hang out, and essentially bypasses all of the tacky/too-hard/why-am-I-looking-at-this ideas, it’s the ideal tool for wedding planning. Wedding planning is uncharted territory for most people, and unless a bride’s job keeps her marinating in wedding-related pictures every day (hellloooooo, wedding photographers and planners!), she probably has very little idea of where to start looking for good ideas for wedding hair, bridesmaid dresses, reception centerpieces, floral arrangements, and stationary design. Pinterest is still vast enough to overwhelm an excited bride, but it’s also organized enough that searches make more sense than in Google. AND she can save all of her wonderful ideas!

A few examples:

• Vanessa planned her own wedding, using Pinterest as her reference point. She knew she wanted formal, elegant, purple bridemaids dresses, so as she searched for them, she saved them to her “bridesmaids” board. She did the same with hair ideas, flowers, shoes, and even wedding poses, so when it came time to put things into action, she had her idea book all prepped and ready to go.
• Jaime knew that she didn’t have much time to plan her wedding, so decided to hire a wedding planner. She still used Pinterest as her starting place, though— perusing ideas, gather inspiration, deciding on themes and colors— so that when it came time to meet with her planner, she could just say, “here are my Pinterest boards,” and her planner knew exactly how to make that a reality.
• Becky used Pinterest as a starting place and a search tool, and printed out many of her favorite ideas to put into a binder, so she could carry it with her. Pinterest was her master search engine.

Regardless of a couple’s budget, time constraints, or planning preferences, Pinterest can be a very helpful wedding planning tool. Most Pinterest-planning brides that I’ve spoken with agree that it’s helpful to create separate boards for different parts of the wedding (one board for flower ideas, one for bridesmaid ideas, one for wedding cakes, etc), but basically, do whatever makes the most sense, and that works for you. Also, I’ve found it helpful to follow some of the major wedding bloggers out there, because they seem to have the best ideas before the rest of us do (more on that later).

Business and Pinterest // how do I use it?

I’m sure there are many smart ways to use Pinterest to help promote my business and my brand, but I’m not really an expert on it. My primary goal behind Pinterest isn’t to garner followers or to make Ampersand Photography shine like a rockstar. I just like pretty things, I adore weddings, and I like to be helpful. If I can combine these three, it makes me giddy. Pinterest combines these three— pretty pictures of pretty things, mostly wedding related, organized into boards that I think would be helpful for brides who are thinking about their own weddings.

Inspiration boards // I don’t know if anyone pays attention to these or not, but I love putting them together. It’s like planning little mini weddings all of the time. A few of my favorites below:

• Blush & Netural— delicate shades of pinks and peaches and tans, with the ocassional bit of sparkle. Favorite inspiration photo for this board here.

• Purple, Orange, & Light Teal— I think this could be perfect for a late August/early September wedding in the evening. Inspired first by this and this, the bright colors are a bit of a departure from what I’m usually drawn to, but I’m absolutely in love with the bright bolds.

• Charcoal Grey & Peonies— I love the contrast between the strength and coolness of the grey and the delicate warmth of the peonies. Contrast in textures and tones always makes me happy, and this image is a good example of that. Besides, peonies are always a good decision, in my opinion.

• Honey & Wheat—Perfect for September!! Warm tones, lots of texture, and the perfect description of sweet love. Inspired by this, and this, and this.

• Hot Yellow & Powder Blue— This might just be my favorite board… mostly because it’s sooooooooo outside the ordinary for me! I don’t know if I have the guts to actually do this for a wedding, but I’m in love with the idea of it. It’s the perfect July/early August wedding color scheme (or perhaps even April, if it’s warm enough), especially mid-day, especially outdoors. Inspired by this image, and excited by this, and this, and this, and this, and even this. (I said it was my favorite!).

• Winter— This is what I consider my board, which is a little silly, I know, but it’s the one that makes me feel most comfortable, most happy, and has the most sighs of happiness attached to it. Originally inspired by the song, “January Wedding,” by The Avett Brothers, and by this wedding, I’ve now absolutely fallen in love with the warmth and textures of winter. And the light! So soft, so lovely.

Other wedding ideas // In addition to my style inspiration boards, I also have boards for wedding things that I think brides might like to see. Wedding food ideas, wedding cakes, my favorite wedding flowers, wedding receptions, and one board that I affectionately titled “Best Wedding Ideas Ever.” Basically, I want to make it beneficial for people to follow me on Pinterest, so I pin and repin ideas that I find useful.

Ampersand Photography, Real pictures // I also have three boards for my own work. I’m hesitant to pin onto these often (I’d much rather encourage people to pin my work on their own), but it is a kind of running portfolio, I suppose.

Following Others // who to follow?

For weddings:

Style Me Pretty  |  Once Wed  |  Summer Watkins, stylist for Grey Likes Weddings  |  BHLDN  |  Elizabeth Anne Designs  |  Ruffled  |  Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine  |  Wedding Chicks  |  Green Wedding Shoes

For Food:

Danielle LaPenta’s HealthBent Board (Paleo recipes)  |  Southern Living  |  Martha Steward Living  |  The Pioneer Woman  |  The Kitchn  |

For the Home:

The Painted Hive  |  Jeannie Hagopian  |  Apartment Therapy  |  West Elm

Just because they have excellent taste:

Rebekah Murray  |  Tori Watson  |  Korie Lynn Herold

… and me, of course.

It just so happened that they were both studying for the Bar Exam, which was a good excuse to hang out a lot. So convenient, right? Not long after, Sam subtly asked me for advice on “how to do a non-intense first date” when he really likes a girl. “You know, I don’t want to freak her out,” he said. Just a week or two later, Jaime blushed a little bit when she told me that she and Sam were dating, and I grinned like… well, I don’t know what I grinned like. Just a lot.

Usually I’d say the rest was history, except Sam & Jaime’s “history” involved things like hunting with Jaime’s dad in Michigan, and hiking Mount Kilimanjaro together just a couple of months after they started dating, and training for a half marathon together. Sam proposed to Jaime on the coldest day in February, while they were out on a training run, while I hid behind a tree so Jaime couldn’t see me. (You can see their engagement announcement in the Washington Post Express here.)

Tonight I’m shooting their rehearsal dinner/Sangeet. Tomorrow I’m shooting their wedding. I loooooooooove that I’ve been a part of so much of their relationship up to this point. All snarky comments aside, Sam & Jaime are one of the most solid, encouraging couples that I know. I’m grateful for their friendship, and grateful to know that I’ll have some good, dependable married friends soon. So tomorrow? Pretty sure I might cry during their wedding ceremony.

Sam said he’s going to name one of their not-yet-existant twin daughters after me. I plan to hold him to that promise.

.  .  .

These are just a few pictures of Sam & Jaime’s engagement party. An Indian celebration on St. Patrick’s Day, during which Sam’s father tries to convince the crowd that Arora (Sam’s last name) is actually derived from O’Rora, from Irish immigrants who settled in India centuries ago, and therefore it is perfectly fitting that we eat Indian food and dance to Indian music on such a day.

Oh, Sam. You come by it honest.

I love friends with good taste. Rose is a woman who embodies the term “good taste,” and her kitchen reflects that. Isn’t it lovely?

Just a few shots of the rest of her sweet little apartment, all prepared for a friend’s engagement party.

Still, I clicked it, I read the intro, and I began the video. Less than five minutes later I was curled up on the floor in my office sobbing my heart out.

.   .   .

Our culture talks about romance and “true love” as the ultimate achievement. It says— in every romantic comedy, in every advertisement, in every attraction-centered clothing design, in every book and comic and magazine article— that finding love and fulfillment and companionship should be sought above all else, and those left “without” are to be pitied above all, because they are missing out on a very key part of being human. My own industry exalts love and happiness above all— it prizes “finding the one,” focuses on weddings as “dreams come true,” and implies that singleness is the ultimate punishment that no one deserves.

Ian & Larissa‘s story tells something different. It’s a beautiful story of Christlike love, the kind that considers the betterment of the other ahead of self, that gives and gives and gives more, because that’s what love is, to give and not to get. Yes, this story is emotional, it is impactful, it is full of hard decisions mingled with breathless beauty. It forces the viewer to stop and gasp and take in something so above most of our comprehension that we are forced to ponder for a long, long while.

.   .   .

But that is not why I cried.

Not because “I’m emotional,” not because “oh, it’s so sweet!!” and not even because of the sweetness of God’s grace in their lives. I cried because Ian & Larissa’s evident love for Christ, for the Gospel, and for each other exposed the ugly selfishness in my own heart. I want to love like they love. And right now? At this moment? I don’t have that kind of selfless love in me. Their story forced me to my knees, left me sobbing uncontrollably, absolutely broken of my own selfish ideals, for the ways that I’ve believed lies— from Satan, from our culture, from my job field, from my peers, and from my own sinful desires— lies about love, about what it is, and about what “I deserve.”

My heart is so rebellious, so set on having my own way, and so determined to believe that God is isn’t as trustworthy, or praiseworthy, as I am. I’m praying desperately for a heart change. Join me in that, friends? That I would have this kind of love, that humbly chooses to serve, and to trust God, and to desire marriage because of the way that it pictures the Gospel, not because of how much joy and fulfillment I think I’ll get from it.

Watch Ian & Larissa’s story. Let it change us.

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-story-of-ian-larissa
A Citygate Films Production
Copyright 2011 Desiring God

PS— one of the best things about shooting out-of-State weddings is the guilt-free sleeping in that happens the morning after.